Today is one of those days.
Nothing that I do not believe exist, is real.
I feel my sanity is slipping.
Who have I to blame but me?

“A delusion starts like any other idea, as an egg. Identical on the outside, perfectly formed. From the shell, you’d never know anything was wrong. It’s what’s inside that matters"
~ Legion

With what do I numb my brain today?
So many choices.
Will I drink, until I can’t think anymore?
Will I stress my ears with screams, drowning all thoughts?
Will I smoke, until the sleep takes me?

“I sometimes have moments of such despair, such despair … Because in those moments I start to think that I will never be capable of beginning to live a real life; because I have already begun to think that I have lost all sense of proportion, all sense of the real and the actual; because, what is more, I have cursed myself; because my nights of fantasy are followed by hideous moments of sobering!”
~ Dostoyevsky

I wish I was the monke from bloons tower defense 6.
Popping one balloon after another.
Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop!
Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop!
Conciousness was a cruel misstake, of the universe mistress.

“Time is like a dream. It’s impossible to tell wat is true and what is false. When you dream, you see others. Perhaps, in the world of others, the dream version of you appears. Or perhaps, our lives are like an invisible bubble that could pop at any time and cause us to awaken.”
~ ISSTH

“Once, Zhuang Zhou dreamed he was a butterfly, a butterfly flitting and fluttering about, happy with himself and doing as he pleased. He didn’t know that he was Zhuang Zhou.

Suddenly he woke up and there he was, solid and unmistakable Zhuang Zhou. But he didn’t know if he was Zhuang Zhou who had dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming that he was Zhuang Zhou. Between Zhuang Zhou and the butterfly there must be some distinction! This is called the Transformation of Things.”

~ The Butterfly Dream by Zhuangzi

See Day.

Thinking about the time when a local drug lord is killed in the show Xavier: Renegade Angel, and just before he dies, he makes a profession of faith in an attempt to escape hell and go to heaven.

One thing to note is that among the major Christian denominations (Orthodox, Catholic, and Protestant), this might only be possible in Protestant theology because of the Five Solas, which emphasize “by faith alone” and “by grace alone” (meaning salvation is not dependent on personal merit but solely on your faith and the grace of god). However, there is debate over what is included or necessary in “faith” and “grace.”

Interesting articles on this topic include the Sinner’s Prayer and the Lordship Salvation Controversy.